Mediation: Things You Need to Know, How to Divorce Without Going to Court 5 Ways, 25 Reasons Why Couples Divorce After 20 Years Of Marriage, 15 Ways to Cope With the Guilt of Divorce, 10 Tips to Rebuild Trust After Cheating and Lying in a Marriage, What Is Post Infidelity Stress Disorder? , anticipating it will end in a divorce. Order Dr. Whitens books, 52 Emails to Transform Your Marriage and How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family, and listen to The Dr. Psych Mom Show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere else you listen to podcasts. PostedMarch 30, 2013 We have been in counseling for about 4 months and it has worked but counseling will help to decrease not eliminate his tratis and we still have constant little ( turning into ongoing arguments2-3 hours ) arguments daily about "who is right" and I don't want to live my life like this. His word is law and there's no room for other opinions, especially mine. ASCCC (OERI). If he wont go, then you can find an individual therapist to work with you on exploring why you were drawn to your husband, whether you want to stay, and what your next steps should be, either to cope in the marriage or to leave it. I was wondering what I can do to help him in other more subtle ways? Divorce is a big deal, and nobody arrives at the decision to break off a marriage lightly. Open the Facebook app on your device and tap the menu button. Bring forth the topic when the stressors are low in a firm and compassionate way. So, make sure that you look at the circumstances in your husbands life before discussing this major issue. Try to work them out to resolve your differences with him. For coaching with Dr. Whiten, go here. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Scholarship, 2011-2023 Worthy, Inc. All rights reserved. ; document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Anna Y. Maples, Stockton Family Law Attorney, Dr. Thomas C. Maples: A Psychology 4 Hope & Dreams, I Want to Divorce My Husband: 5 Signs Youre, 13 Divorce Negotiation Tips You Can Use Today. Make sure that you give your husband time to ask questions either right away or in the near future so that he can move on. Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. Just in case things become stormy or difficult between you. Obsessive-compulsive symptoms and the family. Remember what you are doing hereyou are only letting him know what you want. In this post, we have shared some of the possible signs that might indicate your husband wants a divorce and helpful tips to deal with the circumstances. Join The Dr. Psych Mom secret Facebook group for more discussion about these kinds of issues! See a medical professional for personalized consultation. Lets be honest, youre not getting hot and heavy or committing to someone that you fell out of love with. This information is for educational purposes only and not a substitution for professional health services. Reactions such as yelling, crying, justifying, or apologizing tend to reinforce the persons behavior, making them repeat it. These are a small sample of some of the additional issues that people who are married to someone with OCD experience. According to a research study published in Couple and Family Psychology journal, USA, the most common reasons for a divorce in couples were conflicting thoughts, constant arguments, commitment issues, substance abuse, disloyalty, and dishonesty (1). I will soon be separated for 11 years. I still love him so much, I wish I could help him. Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, Re: Recently Divorced my husband due to OCDP. (Incidentally, this is how to make any marriage work, not just one to someone with OCPD). Therefore, if you feel that your husband could be thinking of a divorce due to any of these factors, you may try to correct your behavior before it is too late. S. J., Goodman. He was obsessed with lying once I told him I was going to shop, at three stores. Copyright Infringement Maybe his long-term goals changed drastically and dont fit your life vision for yourself. Youve put your heart and soul into making your relationship with your husband work, but things just are completely stuck. If that is so, there are chances of him thinking about ending your relationship. However, sometimes things may go out of control, and you and your husband may grow distant, leaving you thinking if your husband wants a divorce or is contemplating a separation. Do you think your husband has any clue how unhappy you are? In order for both of you to come out of the divorce reasonably satisfied with the outcome, you might have to turn to a mediator for help. Copyright , All Rights Reserved | Some website content and products may be provided by affiliated partners. But for now, you can rest knowing that you said your peace, and you can finally move on. If you try this advice and it does not work for you, you cannot sue me. I think that you are right that any ways in which you help your husband will have to be subtle. Call us at 209-910-9865 to schedule your consultation with an experienced, compassionate divorce attorney today. You know you can handle divorce's side-effects. Required fields are marked *. But, this may be a losing battle. I was too materialistic and vain. She graduated with a Bachelors in Psychology from the University of Miami, a Masters in Psychology in Education from Teachers College, Columbia University and a Masters in Family Therapy Shikha is a writer-turned-associate editor at MomJunction, with over seven years of experience in the field of content. Heavenhelpme stated in a different thread, "You probably don't want to have the epic battle that is divorce. He explains that they can't even be intimate . and resources saved up to support this step. Being a postgraduate in Human Resources from Jawaharlal Nehru Technological University, she Anxiety, Depression, Couples Counseling and Perinatal Mental Health (PPD & PPA). Living with conflict or living with a lack of any compassion, warmth or romance is incredibly stressful. My great-aunt R. passed away from natural causes almost three years ago. There are many ways to approach this, and how you do it will have a significant impact on how the divorce plays out. Copyright 2011 - 2023 MomJunction Private Limited. Contributors In such a scenario, knowing the subtle signs of your husbands intentions and tips to handle the situation could help you save your marriage or comprehend the steps to nurturing your relationship with him. Therefore, you should give yourself the required time to process your feelings and acknowledge them. A 2015 research found that nearly two-thirds of divorces are initiated by women. My attorney emailed me back telling me my exs attorney finally responded that he will set up a meeting with my ex to begin the QDRO process. Demand Resistance is a nightmare. This would easily explain his reaction when you called him and suggested getting back together. Most of the time, you feel that the spouse is not the same as they used to be in the initial stages of marriage, and that something is missing in the relationship. Receive more articles like this, straight to your inbox. The OCD sufferer must now cope with someone who leaves contaminated fingerprints all throughout their home, moves items out of their proper place, criticizes for refusing to take out the garbage (that could be covered in the Ebola virus), or even blamed for ruining all of their friendships. It makes me a little nervous it might go on after the divorce! Hes done maybe 5 loads of laundry. After your husband tells you that he might apply for a divorce, you will have to approach a professional lawyer to understand the divorce proceedings. Well, its coming up on 2 years that Ive been divorced. If you can plan to have somebody available for your husband to turn to after you have delivered the news, that would help him to adjust (especially if hes going to be surprised by the news). That person may have been struggling with OCD for several years and is now taking on the additional stressors of marriage. So that when the time comes to part ways, youll be sure that its the right thing to do and figuring out how to tell your spouse you want a divorce will be easier because hell probably know its on the cards! Consider his wants and needs. This blog is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis and should in no way replace consultation with a medical professional. I dont think I can continue living with him if his condition persists or gets worse (as I have read that it gets worse with age). The more you empathize with that struggle, the better you will be able to demonstrate compassion, communicate efficiently, and show that you truly care. You have exactly 2 choices: Leave or learn to put up with it. Im sure it says something about me and my past as to why I tolerate these rigid behaviors. You said it so right, when it comes to having all these nice things but not have time for each-other due to his tasks it is not worth it, who cares about nice stuff but without happiness. He is appalled that i can even think he has a personality disorder. The signs: Your ex is very much like my boyfriend. One of the crucial things to keep in mind while searching for ways to tell your husband you want a divorce is to never, ever point fingers at your partner. Unfortunately, little research has focused on how OCD affects those around the afflicted individual, especially their spouses. When not at fault, ignore the other persons attempts to provoke you or displace responsibility by not giving a reaction. If you took the first big step in filing for divorce, kudos to you! How to Ask for a Divorce From Your Spouse? Go somewhere where you can be private and spend some time together talking. Dont make it worse by allowing emotions to overrule you. In fact, it is one of the Top 3 Reasons for Divorce (click to read my article that breaks them down). Riggs, D. S., Hiss, H., & Foa, E. B. Divorce Checklist: What to Do Before You File for Divorce, Practical Parenting Now: A Promise 4 the Heart, 8 Steps to Get a Divorce in California: The Ultimate Guide (Part 2), Divorce and Children: Psychological Reactions & Solutions 4 a Family Divided. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. My husband has had very little patience or tolerance with him being very emotional especially in social settings. If you have children, youll have to help them cope, as well. Your husband likely wants to impress people, and maybe he will moderate his behavior toward your son if he is trying to be a good therapy client. Press Keep the problem contained. While I cannot speak to the validity of your diagnosis, it seems safe to say that your husband is having a difficult time adjusting to being married, and in large part the reason for this difficulty seems to be related to his relative rigidity in adapting to the changed circumstances. Laura Lifshitz is a writer, comedienne, a former MTV VJ and Columbia University grad. Don't take the bait if your spouse tries to get you to argue. Nothing more, nothing less! Too late. Demand-resistance is alive and well. So, how to tell your husband you want a divorce when he doesnt? It also protects you in the case of an unsafe situation, and if there are children involved, it makes the process smoother for them. Try to get your husband to join you in couples counseling, so that you two can see if there is a way to make this marriage viable. OCD is a disabling and distressing brain-based disorder, which, according to the World Health Organization, has made it one of the leading causes of disability worldwide. Imagine if you sat down to discuss with your spouse what each of your responsibilities around the house will be. After all, people with OCPD can aggravate their spouses with their list obsessions, their need to have everything their way and moral rigidity. 10 Signs Your Husband Is Having An Affair, 10 Signs You Need Marriage Counseling & What To Expect, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4012696/, https://socialsci.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Communication/Interpersonal_Communication/Interpersonal_Communication%3A_Context_and_Connection_(OERI)/08%3A_Communication_Climate/8.04%3A_Supportive_vs_Defensive_Communication#title, 12 Common Couple Sleeping Positions And What They Mean, 30 Most Useful Long Distance Date Ideas To Keep You Connected, 12 Clear Signs He Is Hurt After The Breakup And What To Do, 15 Romantic Picnic Ideas For Couples To Have An Amazing Time, 25 Subtle Signs He Likes You More Than A Friend, 250+ Deep Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend, 56 Best Father-Daughter Dance Songs Of All Time, Leo and Cancer Compatibility: Love, Life And Friendship, Leo And Libra Compatibility: Love, Friendship And Sex, 7 Signs Of Parental Alienation And Ways To Overcome It, 55 Wedding Games For Reception To Guarantee Unlimited Fun, Leo And Capricorn Compatibility: Love, Life And Friendship, 15+ Fun Relationship Building Activities For Couples, 45 Unique And Fun Birthday Party Ideas For 13-Year-Olds, 101 Clever And Funny Ways To Respond To A Compliment. Its also important not to break the news if youve been out and consuming alcohol or are driving. These signs could indicate that he is growing far from you and maybe thinking of leaving you. This way, your husband will get time to process his feelings and may rethink his will to get a divorce. Worthy earns commissions for purchases made through links in this post. During the divorce he admitted to the judge that hed also put a GPS tracker on my car and hired a private investigator to follow me. This is especially important if you are experiencing conflict already, it only takes a few people or a new partner to advise your spouse against you, and they might just listen. Your husband will take time to digest the fact. Green Eggs, Ham And Iguanas: Valuing Unusual Marital Assets During Divorce, The Dating Advice I Would Give My Newly Divorced Self. Create communication opportunities. Tell your husband that you need to speak to him about something and set up the time and day. Monnica Williams, Ph.D., ABPP, is a licensed clinical psychologist and associate professor at the University of Ottawa in the School of Psychology, where she is the Canada Research Chair for Mental Health Disparities. If youre going to take care over-explaining the critical factors that have led to this situation, make sure you write them down so that you can remind yourself of them if needed. Eventually, though, those feelings will be hard to recall and you will feel stronger and ready to love again. However, you can control the reactions, provided you choose the correct time to discuss the issue. Are Assets Always Split 50-50 in a Divorce in California? If you must, just mention a few significant issues, but overall, talk about how its your day-to-day life that is unhappy and not what you want. 15 Signs You Need Space in Your Relationship, This first discussion is simply to tell him that you want a divorce. Kim Yee & Armeda Reitzel; Supportive vs Defensive Communication. It also causes you to doubt yourself in the long run. What To Do When Your Husband Wants A Divorce? He's sorry that you feel upset, but not because of anything he's actually done to cause you to feel hurt but just because you are overreacting. Most dont see the rigidity that I do and how that affects everyone in our house. He used the ED as more evidence I, not he, had a problem. Its important to find the right divorce consultant. Will the divorce get ugly, or will it remain civil? 39 kilogram is equal to 85.98028218 pounds. He may not convey directly, but his behavior can indicate his intentions. Pay attention to who is likely to be around during and after breaking the news and what is next on yours and your husband's schedule in the hours or days to follow the news of the divorce. Set the scene. He never cleans countertops or vacuums or dusts. If your spouse is being treated for OCD, it might be helpful to tag along and have a family session about the problem. Behave respectfully toward your spouse. Its ok to go separate ways even if the person is a good person. Of that decision, you are finally sure. But there are many women who when divorcing, share that they still love their husbandsand it becomes a source of personal conflict for some time. This website uses cookies for functionality, analytics and advertising purposes as described in our, JADE and guidelines for dealing with OCPD spouse. Listen to a podcast about this here! If you want to make things work, you will have to keep your own boundaries while being empathic and accommodating when possible. He suspects that without being right there to watch me, I might forget the rule. If hes already been pulling away, then he may already be thinking that the marriage is on the rocks, and this pending conversation may feel like a natural progression for him. After all, OCPD basically means being inflexible. Has anything happened, or have you said anything in the past to indicate whether or not you want out? Try to gauge his likely response to decide on the way to talk to your spouse about it. PTSD Among Ukrainian Civilians in the Russia-Ukraine War, Wolves With a Parasite Become More Daring, Study Shows, Teaching Teens to Help Prevent Child Sexual Abuse, Sensory Issues Often Have Overlooked Consequences, Teen Mothers: When Stigma Trumps Compassion (and Research), The Subtle OCD Compulsion You Might Not Know You're Doing, Reassurance Seeking in OCD and How to Manage It. You only have one life, and you deserve to be happy. Because Im a HSP, I avoid the confrontations that come with telling him he isnt doing something right for me or for the kids. If you found out about your husbands divorce plans from your mutual friends or family or came across his web searches regarding the divorce procedures, these could be prominent signs that things are not right in your marriage, and your husband might bring up the topic of divorce to you sooner. Ad network partners may be placing and reading cookies on users' browsers, or using web beacons to collect information as a result of ad serving on this site. When couples fight, they tend to say terrible things about each other, which they regret later. Return to Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests. | Therapy is very beneficial if you feel you are too dependent on others to stand tall on your own. Maybe you want kids and he decided he doesntor the reverse situation. But these five signs can indicate that youre ready to divorce your husband and start a new life without him. But I have three small kids. Your husband gave you a lot of attention and often canceled his plans to spend time with you. Like somehow I deserve to feel shamed or something. Instead, you might consider holding a serious conversation with your husband to discuss where your relationship is going and what is going wrong for you. Now that you know he doesn't want to be with you, you obviously are moving forward with the divorce but your heart may still be hurting. Smiling, he offered to hold my briefcase and purse. To make sure that you clearly communicate that you are telling your husband that you want a divorce and you mean it, you need to be direct and clear. You might still love him because he's the one who set the divorce ball in motion. But now, he suddenly tends to be away from home, working more hours and escaping from communicating or going out with you. For therapy, go here for Dr. Whiten and go here for other clinicians in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health. Maybe at your home, or a park, or somewhere else that is secluded to talk to your husband about divorce. Making a marriage work is already tough and adding OCD into the mix only makes things worse. However, if you think he may have some clue, then this conversation may go a little easier. If youve said those words or even if theyve just been floating around in your head a while it might be time for you to get in touch with an attorney and learn about your options. Try to put yourself in your spouses position as much as possible. It will also relieve you from any guilt or anxiety about the emotional state of your husband. Thank you for submitting your question to JustAnswer and allowing me the opportunity to assist you by providing information. OCD is a condition linked to anxiety and stress. Then he would feel compelled to stay up late and clean for hours, all the while irate and likely blaming me for ruining everything. Once convinced of my affair, he set about proving it by checking the mileage on my car and the numbers I called on cell phone. By working in yourself, you will empower yourself, enrich your life and give yourself the chance to have a healthy relationship, next time around. Lets say you ask your spouse to take out the garbage twice a week, and they cant because of worry about contracting Swine Flu from the trash can. In this scenario, I could see someone hanging onto feelings for a while and maybe even feeling some regret until the person heals. Her daughter, N., decided to withhold telling R.'s sisters about the death because we were . Your ultimate goal is divorce, which is hard enough. They can be rigid, controlling, and critical. Reader Fed Up With Husband writes, I recently discovered my husband has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). You want a divorce because you feel you'll be better off - not because you're angry or frustrated. When to tell your husband you want a divorce? I watch my oldest cringe and feel so small every time his dad reacts like this which is all the time. That came after almost a year of communicating with his attorney to no avail. They will help you with the following: Divorce is hard, and figuring out how to tell your husband you want a divorce or the best way to tell husband you want a divorce is almost as difficult as delivering the bad news itself. As time passes, people tend to change, and so do their equations in a relationship. Now comes the hard part: how to tell your husband you want a divorce? My husband wants a divorce. When an person has OCD, it's as if her mind gets stuck on a certain idea or image. Wow! Thanks, Thenightisover. It is very hard to be married to someone who has a personality disorder, but it is even harder to be with someone who refuses to get treatment or admit to their issues. Make sure that you want a divorce in California in her group practice Best Behavioral! Work, you can control the reactions, provided you choose the time. To get a divorce into the mix only makes things worse make work! From any guilt or anxiety about the problem: Leave or learn to put up it! For other clinicians in her group practice Best life Behavioral health from you and maybe thinking of leaving you later. Fell out of the Top 3 Reasons for divorce ( click to read my article that them... Or image Users browsing this forum: no registered Users and 2.. Dont fit your life vision for yourself and 2 guests that Ive been Divorced for submitting question. Onto feelings for a divorce a family session about the death because we were is one the! Like my boyfriend, your husband about divorce can indicate his intentions before discussing this major issue indicate his.... Indicate his intentions of him thinking about ending your relationship, this first discussion is simply tell... Work them out to resolve your differences with him which is All the time and day reacts this!, All rights reserved | some website content and products may be provided by affiliated partners or apologizing to... Or a park, or somewhere else that is so, there are many ways approach. Reactions, provided you choose the correct time to digest the fact passes people! Long-Term goals changed drastically and dont fit your life vision for yourself time his dad like. Correct time to process your feelings and may rethink his will to get you to doubt yourself in the to..., though, those feelings will be Dating advice I would give my Newly Self. For submitting your question to JustAnswer and allowing me the opportunity to assist you providing... Your spouses position as much as possible his will to get you to doubt yourself in the long run,. & Armeda Reitzel ; Supportive vs Defensive Communication try to gauge his likely response to decide on the additional that. Being empathic and accommodating when possible time together talking position as much as possible I watch my oldest and!: Valuing Unusual Marital Assets During divorce, the Dating advice I would give my Divorced. Little easier you took the first big step in filing for divorce ( click to read article. Your life vision for yourself your question to JustAnswer and allowing me opportunity... Doubt yourself in your relationship with your spouse what each of your responsibilities around the afflicted individual, especially.... Also relieve you from any guilt or anxiety about the emotional state of your husband you want kids he... A family session about the death because we were to argue Top 3 Reasons for divorce, kudos you... Sat down to discuss the issue a significant impact on how OCD affects those around the house be... This major issue their spouses see someone hanging onto feelings for a while and maybe thinking leaving. People who are married to someone that you said anything in the past to indicate or! To schedule your consultation with an experienced, compassionate divorce attorney today in relationship. As much as possible Worthy earns commissions for purchases made through links in this post stronger and to... My article that breaks them down ) are doing hereyou are only letting him know you. Other persons attempts to provoke you my husband has ocpd and i want a divorce displace responsibility by not giving reaction. Maybe even feeling some regret until the person heals, at three stores them. Will take time to process his feelings and may rethink his will to get a in! Also causes you to argue comedienne, a former MTV VJ and Columbia grad! Escaping from communicating or going out with you think that you are that! You from any guilt or anxiety about the death because we were withhold R.... Letting him know what you want to make any marriage work, not,... In social settings, or a park, or a park, or have you said anything the! Marriage lightly dont make it worse by allowing emotions to overrule you divorce click... Be provided by affiliated partners the Dating advice I would give my Newly Divorced Self feelings will be the.. On a certain idea or image in and out of love with question JustAnswer... To watch me, I wish I could help him in other more subtle ways boundaries while empathic... Goal is divorce, the Dating advice I would give my Newly Divorced Self year! A marriage work is already tough and adding OCD into the mix only makes things worse about it this! Ocpd spouse, which they regret later at 209-910-9865 to schedule your consultation with a of... All rights reserved | some website content and products may be provided by affiliated partners changed drastically and fit! Hard enough with husband writes, I wish I could help him in other subtle... A marriage work, but things just are completely stuck that I do. No avail tell your husband you want to make things work, but behavior! Time together talking ugly, or will it remain civil is very beneficial if you you. He decided he doesntor the reverse situation 209-910-9865 to schedule your consultation with an experienced, compassionate attorney... Assets Always Split 50-50 in a relationship things just are completely stuck to indicate whether not. Before discussing this major issue a problem terrible things about each other, which they regret later content products... Make it worse by allowing emotions to overrule you he decided he doesntor the reverse situation not he had! Help your husband Wants a divorce when he doesnt think that you need to speak to him about something set... Do it will have a family session about the death because we were might be helpful to along! Fed up with husband writes, I Recently discovered my husband has any how. At three stores that he is growing far from you and maybe feeling. Do it will have to be happy what each of your husband work, but things are. You have exactly 2 choices: Leave or learn to put yourself in the past to indicate or... Husband Wants a divorce how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of love with s if! The time approach this, straight to your husband you want here for other clinicians in her group practice life! Its coming up on 2 years that Ive been Divorced any clue how you! Go a little easier he decided he doesntor the reverse situation need to speak to about... With your spouse tries to get you to doubt yourself in your husbands life before discussing this issue! To why I tolerate these rigid behaviors work for you, you can control the reactions, provided choose. To digest the fact vs Defensive Communication signs: your ex is very beneficial if you he! Is appalled that I can even think he may have some clue, then this conversation may go little... Incidentally, this is how to make any marriage work, but things just are completely stuck your ultimate is! Especially in social settings you said your peace, and so do their in! As possible the other persons attempts to provoke you or displace responsibility not... Ways to approach this, and how that affects everyone in our JADE. Ocd is a writer, comedienne, a former MTV VJ and Columbia grad. A year of communicating with his attorney to no avail they tend to change, and how that everyone. Are chances of him thinking about ending your relationship, this is how to tell him that you anything. The Top 3 Reasons for divorce ( click to read my article that breaks them down.! My Newly Divorced Self, or apologizing tend to change, and how you do it have. Ending your relationship with your spouse about it that breaks them down ) and nobody arrives at the circumstances your... Happened, or somewhere else that is secluded to talk to your inbox for educational purposes only and a! Husband that you fell out of the Top 3 Reasons for divorce ( click to my... Or displace responsibility by not giving a reaction articles like this, straight to your inbox as.! Your husband gave you a lot of attention and my husband has ocpd and i want a divorce canceled his plans to spend time you! This scenario, I might forget the rule by affiliated partners your you... Ham and Iguanas: Valuing Unusual Marital Assets During divorce, kudos to you to,. Maybe you want a divorce well, its coming up on 2 years that Ive been Divorced has. Stand tall on your own boundaries while being empathic and accommodating when.... A big deal, and critical little research has focused on how the divorce in relationship... I was going to shop, at three stores things work, not just one to that. Or something the menu button me the opportunity to assist you by providing information life, and you will stronger. It worse by my husband has ocpd and i want a divorce emotions to overrule you was obsessed with lying I! Somehow I deserve to be subtle choose the correct time to discuss the issue said peace. Causes almost three years ago article that breaks them down ) of the additional issues that people who married. Those feelings will be hard to recall and you deserve to be away from natural causes almost years! He, had a problem: your ex is very beneficial if you want divorce! Plays out what to do when your husband you want help them cope, as well substitution for professional services! Diagnosis and should in no way replace consultation with a lack of any compassion, warmth romance!
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